Learning from conflict

How many times you have tried and failed?  Why don’t they see things the way you see them?  Isn’t it so frustrating, you know you are right, but they just won’t listen?

Sometimes the best one can do is to spend some time away from it all, see things from another perspective.  A lot of shit has happened to us lately, now it’s not the time to whine about this but it is the time to look it straight in the eye.  Time to inspect and adapt.

How do you cope with such matters, and more important, how do the people you work with cope?  See, it doesn’t matter what others think about you, but it does matter a lot how they think.  Their values and beliefs matter, because they contribute to the common goals you have, because they enrich your life experience.

What’s the big deal?

It’s about choices, it’s about facing your frustrations, it’s about never giving up while learning through the experience.  Why?

“You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished by your anger.” – Siddhartha

You will be punished by your anger in so many ways, how?  It will lock your state of mind, it will blind you from seeing other perspectives, it will limit your capability to step back and see the big picture.

Whoa?!  But you aren’t affected by this because you have yourself under control?  Think again.  No one is perfect, take 5 minutes for yourself to reflect on a situation that is going awfully wrong for you, write it down in a concise sentence making sure it captures the situation at hand and what is so frustrating about it for you.  For example:  “I’ve tried to make Jack see why it’s so important that but he fails to do it causing anxiety for me because I want that our customer Jane to be happy”.

Now take 10 minutes to write down the observation you have made in the center of a paper in blue colour.  The should be the perceived fact, cold, without emotions.  It forms the center of your first emotion map.  To the left you write the emotions you experience when you think about what’s happening to you.  On the right side you write your desires.  OK there you go can you recognize the driving force behind your emotions and how it drives you?  How about asking the other people involved if they recognize your observation and if they could also think about how it affects them?

Lack of perceived quality

“I’m no fucking Buddhist. But this is enlightenment.” – Björk

Once everyone has written down their “emotion driver” explain to each other.  It’s important not to judge the others for their emotions.  Show respect to them by listening and asking questions to better understand how they feel.  The learning effect may emmerge in all involved people if they can understand the desires and emotions around them.

“Wisdom cannot be imparted. Wisdom that a wise man attempts to impart always sounds like foolishness to someone else … Knowledge can be communicated, but not wisdom. One can find it, live it, do wonders through it, but one cannot communicate and teach it.” – Buddha

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